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For Better or Less

Malibongwe Sithelo
3 min readMay 13, 2023


When it comes to relationships never go in with high expectations. Especially if you have met each other as adults or independently young. Expect the unexpected. It’s eithe you become better or feel lesser of a person as you before you met. The last one is a choice. The first one ‘becoming a better person’, is a bonus and a privilege. Emptying yourself is no see but have your parachutte and watch your blind spots.

Onee of the difficult obstacles that kills the enthusiasm even if you were looking up to in a person is controlling. When you want someone to live according to your terms of what a healthy relationship should be can be a problem. We are at some point all selfish by nature. You first want what’s best for you. When it’s at the expense of the other then I have a problem too.

It is best to let people to be who they want to be and you’ll have peace of mind. Let them follow their dream without exposing your loss of interest in their line of interests too.

You don’t really have to support your partner for the sake of supporting each if he doesn’t look clueless. Let him or her cry for help and if you’ve notice some level of pride take a risk and support in anyway. Don’t expect an immediate applause if you happen to come on rescue. Help your partner without expecting anything in return immediately.

There comes a point in all our journeys to be in need of space to be with other people. Allow people to go wherever they want to go if that is not going to cost both of you in the long run. We make plans together and that’s when you seek for quality control in the way. Help your partner by asking questions. Ask him or her witj regards to the failure in executing the initial plan. That’s not controlling. It helping each other.

I envy busy people sometimes. If one person is kept busy by either work or business maybe helps to cause some distraction in toxic behaviors. That my help skip or escape those toxic moments. Let’s hope you’re not hiding behind busysness.

We were meant to help each other not to amend another. Leave that to God maybe. It took two people to make your partner and raise him or her for you to think you can wake up and change him instantly.

The only time controlling works in South Africa is through, ‘Korobela/habiya/umthi’ (bewitching). But that will be exhausting because this person will do everything you say even if it means to kill. I Exaggerated of course.

Go in a relationship expecting beeter or less. Indeed at the alter we are expecting the two of you to for better or for worse. Becoming one is impossible as long as you met as different people. We have different tastes and preference. I have to adapt to it. It is not that I really want the same things you like.



Malibongwe Sithelo

I'm a freelance writer, a runner and a public servant in South Africa. I write about everyday life experiences.