Her need for a break was heartbreaking: My true story

I was devasted with her not picking up my call. She would miss calls prior to this day but I have never taken it seriously. We never had arguments about her not taking my calls. The reasons we both understood could have been engaged to work and other commitments. After all, it was just a call. But on this particular day, the intuition ignited. I asked a colleague out of his way to stand in for me because something is wrong. It is like a mother hearing her baby cry from a distance even if there are so many children around her, the real mother will know when her child is not well. The relationship is like that. Your souls are so connected so dangerously that you even know when your partner is lying and decides to let him or her get away with it.

I took the next minibus taxi to her place. I called out at the gate because it was locked no one came out. I went to the neighbours and they were too cold about it because they knew she was inside. I went back. Jumped up the fence. When I knocked at the door she opened and lost her appetite as soon I show up as she was having super. It was like a bucket of icy water poured over my spinal. She refused to talk to me. I begged her throughout the night and eventually at around 3 am she opened her mouth.

She received a call from anonymous intimidating, threatening and calling a witch. I was accused of cheating right on the spot. I had no idea. She thought I was seeing someone else. The lady that made a call was my side lady, the mistress. I did not know what to do, say and still digesting the accusations. I was appalled with how fast we turned to be strangers to each other. Yes, there are things we cannot easily control among those, the past. One cannot undo the past. The only thing we can have control over is our temper when all goes wild, wild west. Prepare for the unexpected.

The only word and the last one she said was, “I need a break.” I searched for all my belongings and left in the morning around 4 am. I walked to my place and passing the notorious neighbourhood and I didn’t care if I get mugged, robbed and murdered. It was going to be a relief. My heart was bleeding inside. We were having a good time and it was the 26th of December a day after Christmas. Even though I worked on Christmas day, that didn’t stop us enjoying the season. My cousin brother as if he knew and felt it as you know blood can get thicker than water. He was just making up for me hence he didn’t get a chance to wish me a happy Christmas a day before calling me hoping that I had a good Christmas. He tried to give a call later that day and to get away with him agreed to allow us to talk about it but it never happened.

A pastor said to me, “separation isn’t a solution or won’t bring any solution.”

I summed all that up as:

She asked for a break and I had to ask her if we can talk. Although personally I knew it was not the appropriate time. Eventually, we met again to talk about something else. That meeting was heartbreaking too because there wasn’t any sign of working out things. I had to make my own investigation as to who made that “not so kosher call.” Found the person, it was my ex-girlfriend. Yay! I am going to win this one, but no she never believed me. Okay, that was fine. I asked as to how long will this break take? She never wanted to disclose the deadline. It was the time I had to make my own deadline. If she doesn’t come back or terminate the separation then I will have to have my own. I made a decision that if she doesn’t come back by a certain time, I might as well consider it as a break-up.

Her need for the break was surely alienating us. I fought until I had nothing left to fight for. When someone asks for a break it might end up being a break-up. How do the two of you discuss and try to resolve things while separated? I am not talking about the “Me” time here. That each need but this was different. Maybe I moved out too fast as she said, it is what I wanted. Because I jumped out and left. I had no idea. I went back trying to resolve and apologize for my reaction. No win. I had to let go and move on. She moved on. Not all the time when someone asks for a break, it will eventually translate to a break-up but be alert. There is a thin line between love and hate. There will always be a need to be alone without having to be on break. We differ on how we wish to take those, “Me” moments without having to offend your significant other…

I'm a freelance writer, a runner and a public servant in South Africa. I write about everyday life experiences.