Lessons from break-ups and Makeups

We often relate to break up as one of the most hurting moments in a relationship journey. When it ends it’s never cool, but mutual agreement might ease the pain. Yes, when something didn’t work the first time chances are will never again. Although you’ll never know until you give it a try again.

I have noticed and learned that in all my relationships, break-ups and make ups women do love and need to be worshipped. When I say ‘worship’, not to replace the honour we give God and put a human being but literally I mean worship. Worship requires a complete presence, your uttermost availability, vigilancy, and attention. If you are not going to be paying any attention and sometimes use words to express yourself, you are going to have a tough time in making up when you have messed up as a partner later in that relationship.

You can do all the mess, come home drunk, forget the time to get home and your last borns’ birthday she’ll forgive you but when you don’t pay attention into detail, you are in trouble. Men yes, I mean dudes, they want one thing from almost every woman they get attracted to on a daily basis, sex. Whereas women want everything, sex, romance, gifts, love, your presence, protection, support from only one man at a time. They love to hear if you love them, at least in words most of the time. Easy to pick it up from the tone of your voice if you are saying all of that from the head or your heart. If you want to make expectations haven’t changed only you need to at least this time around learn to bend.

When someone takes you back after all the break up and hurts, they mean it so that spoil it. Because there is absolutely nothing much about you anymore but you are still loved. I have also learned that ladies know it from day one in a relationship when you have gone wild west, cheating but they let you go loose, in not confronting you. Be very warned however, the day she’s up to here with all your nonsense, she won’t even argue with you. Because there is absolutely nothing left to argue about. When she has moved on too, you will feel it by then it will be too late to try to make up. Try not to apologize too much more than acknowledging your flaws and wait for forgiveness. Never demand to be forgiven you don’t deserve it. Starting to count how many times she’s made mistake will take you down because you are worse than Sodom and Gomorrah altogether. Stop pointing at the day she didn’t talk to you when you were over her throat defensive.

Breaking up sometimes is you are given a chance to go and figure out without anyone telling you what you are looking for you got it already. The risk is when you realized after all the new broom sweeps clean nothing much. When you come back there is a new kid or king in the block. Keylock changed. In all my breakups and makeups, the cost of every relationship was my absence. Words “I love you, flowers and gifts”, don’t mean anything if you are not there. It might be being too occupied with your work or going out too much with other fellows. I was working most of the time trying to make money and when I came back home she was no longer interested. Those gifts didn’t mean anything. I was not there, listened because ever tired. It was not her fault I never stood up when asked to work overtime.

One of my friends, when I was working abroad, in Dubai, was facing a similar situation. He told me his kids called to say, they are tired of only seeing how much he sends home, it doesn’t mean that much but missing him. He’s been abroad sending money and never missed any month-end pay. Yet his kids had enough. He had to make a plan. He’s next promise had to be taking the next flight as soon as his leave approved just to see the little ones and the mother otherwise all was going down. The only thing you can ever do even to the kids is to show that love you are talking about to their mom expressed.

In any relationship never assume. Never assume she understands and knows how you feel about everything. Use words if it means if not all the time to be followed by actions. All the presence you bring will be appreciated with greater love if you do the first things first and right.

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Malibongwe Sithelo

I'm a freelance writer, a runner and a public servant in South Africa. I write about everyday life experiences.