Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Life’s complicated. Get used to it.

Malibongwe Sithelo
5 min readNov 5, 2022


It is possible that two people who are now best lovers can become enemies with passion in the future. You will know the world has turned upside down if your marriage partner falls in love with someone else. You can always be attracted to someone else either than your partner. Nature feels so cruel if the only person you ever felt loved and you don’t mind dating again is the one who cheated on you. Open relationship suggestion sounds evil if it's not your idea. The pulmonary relationship is vague if your parents are both preachers or fervent religious people. You will definitely crucify me if I say cohabitation is holier than marriage itself. Polygamy is even worse than the sin of idolatry by societal interpretations.

I'm under the impression that my place of hiding is Hell if I say to you “no matter how bored you are in life, never get married.” Commitment is the order of the day but our preferences grow as we mature. Life is a mystery and we don’t really have enough time to figure out if God maybe turned His back on us. What if the only person that loves you unconditionally is your own damn cousin. The church is against abortion and it will boil your bile if I tell you most of these happen at the altar because the pastor is avoiding embarrassment. The most abusive people can be the same activists against gender-based violence. Complicated isn’t it? At least that’s the sign to, “never say never.” Let alone waiting for someone impregnated by someone else to be your lifetime partner. Life is complicated. Let it sink into your mind. What if you date someone too young? Society will disown you for not considering age. Self-control sins. The clash of religions is also another marathon.

Indeed we prefer what we are familiar with. Anything strange is too foreign to understand it can happen. I was listening to an audio that has gone viral about a girl who fell in love with her own biological father. She doesn’t see anyone loving her own parent. She explained that her mother is a busy person to never noticed something of such nature happening at her own doors. The host of the show was a bit naive and confessed to being not so judgemental yet accusing this young girl of being pathetic to allow something of such nature to happen. Dating and marrying someone out of your race becomes the talk of the town for some reasons I don’t know.

The girl confessed that she really loves her father and that when it started she did not understand it. She noticed this when her father decided to come back one day from work earlier than expected. He found her naked in the bathroom as she was not expecting anyone at that time. He definitely had his own spare key. Finding her in the bathroom he decided to wait until she got herself dressed up. After having a short conversation he bid her goodbye with a deep french kiss. She confessed to never feeling so loved and feelings of affection as she had. Besides, this was her own father.

The host of the show here became so naive that she suggested meeting her after the show so they can discuss her fallback. Clearly, the host has never come across a story of such a nature. She only understands one or two ways of falling in love. It is with someone not of the same flock. I have fallen in love with my own cousin at some point. Not once but twice and both ladies decided to get married to other people getting away with such a shame. I do not blame them as it was disgusting to what we are familiar with. They avoided me to the core. I know they don’t hate me but all in respect to our cultural moral values. In my culture, you do not date and marry someone of the same clan name. If that happens you will have to organize a cleansing ceremony to disassociate yourself from the family to be joined with different ancestors.

The interesting thing about life is it doesn’t always bring about your most desired results. However, you do not have to be helpless and feel powerless. This life is always full of surprises. That takes the maturity of each individual to acknowledge that. One of the hardest things in life is trying to change and your allies still treat you the same way as before. When you thought you are making a progress toward change and you are punished, abandoned, and mistreated for your wrongdoings. Certain people do want to change but when they're about to do so they are thought to be worse. That makes the whole world stand still.

The bluntest truth about life is you do not teach your heart to stop falling in love with others than the one you are dating. The surest thing is when you find your soulmate you won’t even have a chance to cheat. The only thing in your mind at all times is this pure soul. Pure is just an exaggeration. It becomes hard to just even think of betrayal as you do not see your life complete without this particular soul. People change. However, never be surprised and hit your head against the wall. Stuff does happen. Things we never expected from certain people do break our hearts. Accept the fact that some people will never apologize. let it sink and move on with life.

“Life is not fair. Get used to it.”- Bill Gates.

Be well when it comes to trying to change a grown-up to be who you want to be. There is absolutely no way you can change someone who thinks he survived the supervision of his parents. Let people remain who they are and never question all their actions. The problem we have is trying to change people who are already grown-ups. Compromise and other significant others might adopt the character. you are not so weak when it comes to compromising for the sake of the other person. It is just maturity at its best.



Malibongwe Sithelo

I'm a freelance writer, a runner and a public servant in South Africa. I write about everyday life experiences.