photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

Men and their mothers

Malibongwe Sithelo

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A mother’s umbilical cord with a child gets cut immediately as he gets born. That is only physical but not spiritual. No one can ever cut that tie. It’s for life. When a man gets married at Church he’s told and scriptures that I never agree with, “a man shall leave his mother and father and be one with his partner.” Wrong! That is definitely impossible. Who knows one of the reasons we face divorces every day is that attempt in trying to cut ties between a mother and her son. Impossible.

Imagine 9 months of life support and oxygen carrier to me and to be told that has come to an end. The new lady has taken over. Forget about your mother completely. Grow up, man. Yeah on paper that is perfect, I will leave my mother but not in real life. We don’t mind being called ‘mama’s boy.’ That doesn’t hurt but please don’t hurt her. hahaha!

I watched one of Opran Winfreys’s movie where she is in the fields and heard a baby cry in the village. She goes on to say, I can feel my baby is hurt. People around her were like, “so many voices, and cries of babies. What do you mean your baby is in trouble?” She said, “I can hear my baby’s cry. See, she could feel and also maybe pick up her own son’s voice from a distance. How many times have you ever tried to call your mother to explain something that went bad or your well-being and she calls you first to confirm? It happens. Your mother can feel your pressure from a distance. It’s natural.

If you want to stay in good books with your male partner, stop mentioning and bad talk his mother in each and every conversation. Just like if you want to be loved by your children, love their mother. As a lady never try to compete with your mother or soon to be mother-in-law.

Maya Angelou said it better, “I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.” As a man, I’ve noticed no matter how your mother becomes the talk of the town, given names as a witch, to you that doesn’t exist at all. A man might not be in good books with his mother but come near to her you will know. That connection between the mother and her son is personal. In fact any child for that matter. But as I consider myself a grown-up man, my mother is still the backbone of my existence.

I remember one time a guy was beating one up severely. I got a chance to be closer to hear what was the story. The only thing I could hear from the upset and dominating was, “my mother died in 1959, and you start insulting me by her.” I could only relate but never to condone violence as a means to solve the problem. I wasn’t really there when the fight started but as soon as he mentioned his mother, I knew the other dude crossed the line.

I once watched Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Burgundy said something along those lines, “I'll smash your face…and take you mother…” and so on. The other guys had to curb the fight before it began. One guy said, “Hey, hey leave the mothers out of this.” See you can say all the things about our fathers and call them names but not our mothers. A man would rather die in his hands fighting just because his mother’s name is dropped in a serious conversation.

Men and their mother’s relationship is just unbreakable. It doesn’t matter how bad a relationship a man is with his mother, never try to raise your point by naming and shaming in the son’s presence.

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Malibongwe Sithelo

I'm a freelance writer, a runner and a public servant in South Africa. I write about everyday life experiences.